🔗 Share this article Navigating the Desire for Casual Encounters Whilst Seeking a Meaningful Relationship Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, I’ve spent numerous, largely pleasurable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership that lasted four years, but I never felt completely content, because I felt neither loved nor sexually nourished. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin seeing any man, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners again. Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males have open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, often causing lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want a partner to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, however I fear the psychological toll this might create. Should I just keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling a bit lost. Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle various forms of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you might become more decisive and discover greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. One day you might meet someone offering a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring your desires completely … and later on you may choose that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and recognize the worth of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, it will be clear. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.